(Almost) Four: A Bedtime Conversation

To be sure: there has been drama in the bedtime routine. Delay tactics that run the creative gamut from requesting three hard-boiled eggs, boiled one painfully slow egg at a time, to emergency mosquito bite icing and band-aid sessions. Until one spring evening--an under the cover, trundle bed reprieve.

"Mommy, what makes you happy?"

"Well, you make me happy (the happiest). Mama makes me happy. Being outside makes me happy. And going to the beach. Sunshine. Ice cream. Knitting makes me happy. What makes you happy?"

"WELL. Picking bouquets of flowers in the spring makes me happy, decorating my room makes me happy, spending time with you makes me happy, building fairy houses, going to the thrift store. Hugging and nuzzling makes me happy. Let's nuzzle, Mommy."

Yes. Let's. 

Most mornings you still cry for me, upon waking and realizing that I've already left for the day. Almost four years later, and I still find this daily ritual, coupled with your desperate sensitivity, heartbreaking. You come down the stairs on your own each morning, no longer afraid of the dimly lit hallway or the expanse of hardwood at your feet. Your regular chores include letting Hektor out of his kennel in the morning, picking out your clothes for the next day each evening, and clearing your dishes from the table after breakfast and dinner. On difficult days, when you're feeling uncooperative, you collapse on the couch (or the floor), claiming fatigue and sore legs in an effort to avoid these daily responsibilities. You remain very, very creative, and extremely proud of the fact that you can easily complete puzzles intended for 5+. Whenever you encounter spare change (on Papou's dresser, or in the cup holder of Mommy's car), you ask if you can have it for your piggy bank. You are helping Mama and I save money for a trip to Disneyworld.

You and I fought last weekend. All day, both days. I didn't know until the following Monday, and the onset of a temperature that reached almost 104, that you had a sinus infection. This will be your second time on antibiotics. You seem to have inherited Mommy's inability to communicate effectively when confronted with personal distress. Next time, I will listen harder.

The Lovers are your new favorite band. We listen to Figure Eight on continuous repeat, both at home and in the car. You and I also have Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes dance parties,much to Mommy's afternoon delight. You have been assigned to the "Flowers Group" in school, and ask at least once a day when we can plant an apple tree in the front yard. Both you and I are anxious for June to arrive so we can dig in to the front yard. You have at least one apple a day, and always give your leftover peels to the bunny that frequents our front yard. You are a very kind, sweet girl, and learning to be gentle with animals.

Mama and I have a variety of pet names that have stuck with you since birth. Our favorites include "sweetheart", "darling", "little babe", "shug", "puppy" and "love". You are all these things to us, times four.

Happy almost birthday, my sweet darling. Mommy loves (the most).